back at Mum's

So I had a bit of a crazy insane day yesterday, not me but one of my house mates I reside with. Well to cut a long story short he suffers with schizophrenia and yesterday before I was about to go out he started shouting, swearing, then it got worse more louder more intense more scary I called up st maurs (the supported housing place that manages where I was) and asked them to come down they were going to call him. It then got worse and he started to shout more till the point he was crying and I couldn't just leave him I was about to leave to go to my mums so as scared as I was I guess my natural instincts kicked in of caring for others and had to see if he was okay I saw him with his head covered in blood and in a quivering mess on the floor so I comforted him and cleaned up his cut and took him in the lounge to talk to him about meaningful things. It felt like the longest 5 minutes of my life waiting for some staff member to come.

Although  fee bad saying this I don't think I can leave in the same house as him anymore. Although he is not dangerous, it was the final straw yesterday. I have a lot of deep rooted issues with men and this brought it all back an flashbacks galore. I went to my Mum's and asked if I can stay for a while I am not sure how long but it feels okay.

I just can't live their, It has caused my ed to get worse. I went back later on to get some things and speak with Matt a support worker who is beyond brilliant in supporting people with MH difficulties. We talked and he helped me find ways to come with the flashbacks and also acknowledge how Adrian reminds me of my past abusers his split personality how he can be so sweet most of the time but when he has his moments they scare the crap out of me.

I have begun to trust men more. Derek who recently died touched me so much he was the first man who I felt comfortable with and most importanly safe with and made me feel so good. Even though he was a close friend he was more like a grandad to me and their is also two male staff I have got close to in a support sense who have restored my faith in mankind.

Anyway enough ramblings. apart from yesterday's drama I cooked a lush chickpea stew which I will post later on today when I get back from dinner with a friend. I bought some almond butter today but I think I prefer cashew butter I may try some on toast as just had some apple and almond butter with it. I am also enjoying being at my Mum's especially with my lovely cats.