Monday, 23 April 2012

Great week and a milestone

Sorry for the lack of blogging recently. I have just had a busy week. even my evenings have been busy. It all started on Friday the 13th... Known to many as

A day that means bad news. However my day was pretty awesome. Firstly had the last part of my training for a health care assistant job and afterwards i was able to go to an interview that i didnt think I could go too as my training overlaped. However my training finished earlier so I called the other job up and asked if I could attend the interview. I was unprepared, but I managed to nail the interview. I even had to speak to a group of teenagers about a social action project... However I got the job, and proud and happy I was.

 I never thought it possible that even a few months ago I would be working as a youth worker, let alone attending an interview at the whim.

In other news my injury is loads better and am pretty much back to all my usual activities. Went on a 50 mile cycle ride yesterday and felt so so strong, best I have ever ridden. Although I am sick of people commenting on my small size and asking how much I weigh- no joke!!! I mean you would never ask someone who was obese what their weight was. I find it strange as I am at the highest weight I have been at for nearly 8 years!!!! I myself still feel "big", but to others I am not so maybe it is all in my head . I also decided to weigh myself this morning, and my BMI for the first time in goodness knows how many years is in the healthy range. I didn't feel awful as I thought I would do BUT I felt proud, proud that I have done this on my own.

I never thought it would be possible that I would be able to eat what I am eating, be the weight I am now, be happy, have an amazing boyfriend, have things in common with people that isn't having an eating disorder in common, to have friends that love me for who I am and to be able to converse with them with everyday conversations. I have put on around 10 kg since January time, many of my clothes no longer fit me. Alhough difficult I know its a good thing and I can now get new clothes:p  I may not like my legs, I may still look in the mirror and feel big but they are strong, I can cycle, run, and swim and most importanly I feel happy. On my last ride someone commented on how much  I have improved, my speeds are the best they have ever been.  I want to be able to share with people that recovery is possible that you can go from the lowest, deepest dark hole, to that of a functional person who has a whole life ahead of them. After about 5 hospital admissions I am happy to say that I have made it through. I know I still have some way to go, gaining weight is almost the easy part its dealing with my head that takes the work. However I didn't get ill overnight so it isn't going to disappear overnight so I just have to be patient.

After all that.... This weekend has been pretty awesome too. I spent it at Andys we made pizzas on Saturday night from scratch-yep that included the dough!!!

 Pizza ingredients-yep that is mango:p 

Andy was such a good dough kneader!!

We even made cheesy dough sticks. 

My toppings included goats cheese, peppers, mushrooms, mango and emmental cheese. Oh and a bbq sauce base so so nice. 

We are making them again next Sunday for the rest of the family and letting them pre order them:p think I we may do some garlic bread too.  I have never made my own pizza dough before but they were so so nice, and the only ingredients in the dough was whole-wheat and white flour, pinch of salt, two tablespoons of olive oil, and water. It was so much fun too, can have whatever toppings you fancy. 

Have you ever made pizza? 
for those that have gained weight how did you feel when you got their? Also how long did it take to get your periods back? 

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Injured again:(

Dear lord I seem to spend half my life recovering from an injury. This one is another reality check for me. I am not quite sure how it happened. But I think it was from Body Pump, and also perhaps as my boyfriend said from pushing my body too much:( That particular day, I went for a swim at 8am, pilates at 9, followed by body pump then body combat. My back felt a little sore on tuesday evening, However the next day it was so painful, I could barely walk without being in so much pain. It was also affecting my breathing. I tried to get an appointment with my sports massager, but couldn't see her until next tuesday. My mum told me to see a chiropractor. Although I don't really have the money at the moment, I knew I had to see someone. He knew what it was from just looking at my back... Thoracic back pain. This was why I was finding it hard to breathe. It was too inflamed to treat their and then but he did put some bio freeeze stuff on to help with the inflammation and told me to ice, rest, and take some anti inflammatories.

It feels a lot better today, well I can breathe without being in pain, and also move without pain. But it is still quite sore and have stayed of the exercise. It is another shocking  reminder of having osteoporosis, sometimes its easy to forget the damage that anorexia has done to my body; weakened bones, kidney problems, digestive problems, and thats just some of the physical side effects. However when I get injured, it then hits me in the face I can't change my past, I can't change the damage that I have done but I have the power to change the future. Those who've been reading my blog know I have been trying to gain weight, which I have managed to do. However I actually haven't weighed myself for a few weeks as have been too scared too. I need to try next week at some point, but I know I have put some on but am scared of seeing it face to face. I know I really need my periods back, and I don't want to have that dreaded hunch back that you see from women with osteoporosis I want to be able to exercise and not be in constant pain. I'm determined to not let the injury get me down. I am having some treatment tomorrow and he says its nothing too serious.

In the meantime, I have been getting as much calcium as possible, and trying to eat as much as I can. I just wish that sometimes the thoughts would leave me alone. Hasn't this illness done enough???!!! Every pain I get in some strange way, helps me. Perhaps its my body telling me that enough is enough, if I want to lead a normal life I can't stay underweight, I need to get my periods back, and need to reach a healthy weight. Despite knowing what I need and want to do, the mirror still lies. I still see myself as big when I look in the mirror, some days are worse than others. I wonder if it will always be this way but I will find ways to live with it. How come I understand my illness so much, but still don't understand it enough to be fully recovered. At the moment, I am faking it till I make it, eating but scared of putting on weight, but still doing it. I know it will be worth it in the end.

However my easter was really lovely. Had the most amazing weekend with my boyfriend. Got spoilt and brought some of my favourite things. I most be the only person that gets excited over having cereal bars as an easter gift!!!

Easter gifts from my boyfriend he knows me very well:p 

I made these protein bars today from this blog, they were so simple and easy to make. I used chocolate protein powder. 

 Homemade protein bars
Cereal bowl contains cottage cheese, greek yogurt, bran flakes, o's munch, apple, and peanut butter.

If I could live of cereal I seriously would, love it so much. Had this creation 3 times today. Plan of action for the weekend is rest, a local food and drink fayre, weekend with my boyfriend, and to not lose my mind through not exercising. Oh and to hope this bloudly back pain gets easier. 

What food could you eat and never get bored of? 
Any advice on overcoming distorted body image? 

Saturday, 7 April 2012

cycling my way to the top

hope everyone is having a lovely weekend, I have had a pretty awesome week and the weekend is going ace too.

I've had two exciting things that I can't wait to share with you. The first thing happened on Thursday when I was at the pool, went to a general swim (no lanes), wasn't actually overly busy so got in about 40 minutes of swimming. When I ws getting changed this little girl came up to me and said "How do you swim so fast"? lol okay she was only 7 years old but it made me smile a lot.

Then the next day, I went on a 2 hour ride and their was loads of other cyclists out which after a few with strange helmets passed me by realised it was a time trial. I so want one of those cool helmets, of course I want this pink one:

Alot of the cyclists I saw out had helmets to match their bikes and clothes. Anyway I was in awe of how fast they were racing, on my way back from my ride I saw this British cycling car pass by me then around a few minutes later the car stopped at this guy got out his car and pulled his hand out indicating me to stop. I did I actually thought I was in trouble lol. Well the guy said to me why am I not out training with my local cycling group. Told him that I actually going out tomorrow:p Mentioned I was training for a triathlon and he told me to get into road racing, said he has seen me out a lot. Then he gave me his card:

 of course had to take a picture and post it on facebook:p

Man the adrenilin I had on the way back was insane. Never felt so pleased with myself, my average for the 30 mile ride was 17.4. Felt awesome.

I'm excited for tomorrow when me and my boyfriend are going out with my local cycling group. Today has consisted of lots of rest and carb loading. We cooked one of my favourite meals 


 Wholemeal hot cross bun
 Sweet potato with cottage cheese and peanut butter

Wholewheat bagel with philedelphia and chocolate spread and some jam and peanut butter

This was actually the first time I have tried peanut butter on a sweet potato. I have seen it on many blogs and have I admit been scared to try it, because of my fear of fats. But I've realised that fats are needed to be healthy and that the ED can bugger off:p Plus it tasted really nice. 

Tried any new foods recently? 
Any Easter plans? 

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

WIAW- the random one

Sorry to have gone all MIA on my blog, I had a really busy week last week. Which involved eating at my favourite sushi place

Spending the weekend with my boyfriend, and his family at a little place called Kenilworth and dressing up as Alice in Wonderland with my other half as the mad hatter: 

Don't we look cute;)

I also got very broody ( Don't worry Andy not for a few years yet;) ) 

Under 1 month old, I wanted to take her home!!! 

From holding this baby, also gave me motivation with the ed to gain more weight so I can get my periods back. I am starting to find my body image difficult especially when I look at some pictures of me. But I am reminding myself of all the things that come with being at a higher weight. 

My WIAW today is a bit random, well my dinner is anyway. 

Protein Oats 50g oats, 25g banoffee protein powder and 1 tsp of peanut butter. 

Food Doctor pitta with cottage cheese, and side of kale and carrots

Random Dinner: Squash, broccoli, yorkshire pudding, veggie burger and cream cheese, falafel and pasta with cream cheese

It was sort of like a pic and mix dinner:p 

Snacks consisted of dried fruit mixes, home made banana bread bar, and a bowl of cereal before bed

I have also been able to have more runs outside, and my swimming is improving. My swim instructor said I no longer need lessons its just a case of practising. I think I may go along to a group lesson once a week though as am still finding my breathing hard. 

Do you like lots of little things? I love mini sizing everything so I can have a little bit of what I fancy
Have you ever dressed up?