So this am occupational health contacted me and I have an appointment with them on the 10th August so when that is over with I can hopefully apply for accommodation at Bournemouth Uni which I have just seen will cost me £6000 for the whole year !!! I have to get a 50 week license and it is for a studio flat as wouldn't feel comfortable sharing in halls as its going to be a big enough change for me going to University. I am a bit nervous about occupational health assessment as they will be weighing me and asking loads of questions about my illness. I did call them up when I had the form as got all panicky and asked them if they ever have people with eating disorders and the women was lovely and said "oh yes we have them all the time" which eased my mind but also sad that so many people struggle with them.
So my second bit of news is that I have a job interview at wetherspoons tomorrow, and I am nervous and excited. Nervous because I haven't been to a job interview in about 5 years, and if I do get the job I will be nervous about starting because its a pub that like everyone goes too which means a lot of people I know and I don't know how much confidence I have to work in a bar. But I am hoping to come of benefits too and think it will be a great place for me to meet people and I am hoping that I can transfer to the one in Bournemouth.
Do I go away or not
I also have to decide whether to visit my Nan, aunty, and cousins in Milton Keynes. This is a bit complicated as I hate letting people down I have always been a people pleaser, always do things for other people and often neglet what I really want to do. But I am feeling really torn in whether to go up. I haven't really had much contact with my Nan throughout my life as my real dad left when I was a baby and didn't want any contact with me. well to cut a long story short we got into contact when I was 18 and saw each other a bit but their was nothing their it was like meeting a stranger and also he never bothered with me throughout my life and when I got ill wanted to save me yeah a joke right? so I didn't want any contact with him but the last time I went to Milton Keynes my Nan pressured me in to seeing him and I hated it and when I last called her she was asking why I didn't want to see him and "we never knew what he did wrong"
Urm how about never contacting me, saying that when CSA tried to contact him for maintenance payments he claimed we weren't his kids! sending me a birthday message on facebook. I don't even know my other family well. I know I should go and see them but I pay postpone it especially if I get this job as the women on the phone said the induction would be next Tuesday and I had planned to go away from Sunday to Wednesday. I think I will decide once I know about the job as they may not want to employ me and especially with me only here for the summer.
I did have a little blip with counting calories today and had to count what I ate this afternoon as was feeling a little unsure of myself and that I had ate too much. But on a plus I haven't counted calories ie on my computer for quite a few days so guess is work in progress.
So breakfast before going to the gym was some porridge with chopped fresh apricots, and afterwards I met my support worker for coffee and had a caramel macchiato with soya milk from coffee republic.
Lunch consisted of the following:
This was butternut squash stir fried in teaspoon of good oil!! First time I have used oil in a long time. Then added some tamarind paste with the chickpeas oh and cooked a random falafel was really nice. Last of my squash:( Will just have to buy some more!!
Snacks have been some dried apricots and prunes, two apples and an eat natural bar. I really needed a snack on the way back from visiting my friend and this was the only healthy bar I could find but did taste quite sugary still made a nice change though
I went on a 20 minute run at around 6pm and it was still blimming hot!! When I came back I had a soda bagel with cashew butter on one side and jam on the other I couldn't decide lol
How do you deal with letting people down?
Whats your favorite bagel topping?