Tuesday, 28 February 2012


Well many thanks to Jenn @ peasandcrayons

Before I give you my eats, I have to share with you an awesome cycle ride that I went on, I am currently training for a 60 mile sportive around Dartmoor. I've been bringing my mileage up gradually and yesterday embarked on a 45 mile ride, and my average speed came out at 16.5mph!!! I was so impressed, It just goes to show what being at a higher weight can do to your performance, and having a good intake of carbs which have been for years a very big fear of mine. I ate around 2500 I have also been building leg strength in the gym which is doing me the world of good. Here is my ride details if anyone wanted to see


1/2 cup oats made with soya milk, and topped with chopped banana, cinammon and maple syrup


Lentil and chickpea curry with a hell of a lot of veggies!! Reckon about 5 portions in that dish.


This was cooked with me and my boyfriend, its actually the first thing we have cooked together. I usually take over:p 

Roasted Squash and halloumi salad This had about 5 portions of veggies. 

This was pretty simple to make, Firstly I boiled up some red and wild rice, meanwhile roasted some butternut squash for 10 minutes, then added some chopped mushrooms. I seasoned it with some basil and mixed herbs. Once the rice was cooked, added some honey, lemon juice and basil and left to cool slightly. The halloumi was the grilled in my george foreman and added to the rice mixture. Combined the squash mixture with the rice, and alas!! It was so nice. The honey and lemon went really well. It was adapted from the runners work nutrition guide, and is meant as a good post recovery meal! Has my boyfriends favourite cheese and my favourite veg so was a winner all around. 

My snacks for the day were copious amounts of fruit, cottage cheese and maple syrup and my favourite nakd bars!!

Have you ever tried Halloumi cheese? I think its my fav cheese as love the saltiness of it!!
Any good workout recently? 

Sunday, 26 February 2012

What I've learnt

Well this week has gone fairly quickly, and am looking forward to the week ahead. I've had some good news about my new job, my reference has a gone through okay which means I can start working as a healthcare assistant, I was very worried about it because I had took a of of sickness time off before Christmas. But had a phone call to say the reference has been received and is all okay. Also I have my jabs on thursday which I am odly excited about!!

I've spoken and seen my GP and she says its okay for me to start running on the treadmill:D this makes me one very happy sarah

With my adorable cat Marie

This time I am going to build up slowly and listen to my body, you could say I've learnt to listen to my body!! Maybe the hard way, but I guess it has made me more determined to beat this illness. I am going to run on the treadmill 3 times a week, im just doing 3 mile distances at the moment and will gradually build up from their.

These are a few other things I've learnt, along with some of my eats!!

  • Its sometimes nice to have food cooked for you
Boyfriend cooked me baked eggs with spinach and mushrooms and a side of sweet potato mash was so so nice and ate guilt free

  • A clean bike makes a faster bike!! My bike was so filthy, and the chain was creaking all over but me and my boyfriend cleaned our bikes together and made me ride up the hills today so much better!!
  • Doing weights at the gym won't turn me in to the incredible hulk but will make me stronger in my cycling and running!!

Nope I didn't turn into a big giant Gorilla!!! (me at the zoo on friday with my boyfriend)
  • Swimming can be fun, I am actually starting to like swimming, and can now even put my head under haha. 
  • Pancakes can be savoury as well as sweet:

Goats cheese and mushrooms in homemade buckwheat pancakes

Ever had a savoury pancake? Have you leant anything this week? 

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

A reality check

Yesterday was I feel a milestone in my recovery. I had an appointment firstly with an assessment to have some therapy with someone from EDA, these are a charity that offer support and advice to those suffering with any eating disorder. It went okay, and I am on the waiting list to see someone to look specifically at the reasons behind my anorexia, which is something  I have never really touched upon and now I feel in the right space to be able to do it. Afterwards was my appointment with my dietician...

She asked me how I was, said I was okay. Weight had gone up, I firstly went in with the intention of doing a plan to maintain for a few weeks as had recently been finding the weight gain side of things quite difficult.

However when I told her about my stress fracture, she was very brutally honest with me and said that this was a sign that my body is not liking where it is right now, and reminded me the shocking truth about what osteoporosis can do to you in the future:

The thing is I know this, I know the dangers, I know from all the literature I have read on stress fractures, not getting periods, being under weight, all the damage it does to your body but the anorexia can almost convince you that it WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO YOU, well my folks it has and it will do. Having the bones of a 70 year old at  25 years of age is a scary reality. 

We worked out my BMR, and what calories I need to maintain on, and also the scary part what I need to gain weight on. I only actually managed to gain weight when I went away to Bath as wasn't exercising. But exercise is an important part of my life and my recovery. So I am going to try and build up to this amount that I need to gain on.I am not going to lie I am scared by this process. 

Something also quite scary happened when I left the train station, almost like someone up their has been watching over me.... I saw this old women cycling but she was completely hunched over her back was so bent and I thought crap I don't want this, I need to recover, I need to gain weight. The one thing that helps osteoporosis is being at a healthy weight, somewhere I haven't been for nearly ten years. But its not just about helping osteoporosis, my concentration, having energy to see me through the day, one day I want to have children and the more I don't have my period for the less chance I have of this happening. 

Its no wonder I had a stress fracture!

After my appointment I went to the supermarket to pick up something for my shift at work, getting some of the foods my dietician had suggested which was more protein and calcium. But me and supermarkets never really tend to mix, I go in and get so overwhelmed with everything in their and end up coming out with nothing.  I was really very annoyed with myself, frustrated, angry. So mad and how much I want this but when it comes to a simply thing of shopping I kind of get a bit stuck. I was also working so not really having much chance to sit down and eat a proper meal as my work are idiots and won't give me a break even though I worked from 5-11pm, so this meant taking lots of nakd bars to see me through my shift, and a big bag of dried fruit. 

However, despite the confusion going in my brain, and how sometimes the eating disorder overides my normal thought process.  I have one thing on my side determination, I am determined to fight this illness. It has stolen so much of my life and I refuse to not let it steal anymore. I have supportive friends, family, and an amazing boyfriend whom I never thought I would meet someone like him. I also have the running, cycling, to spur me on, and that I want to be a successful occupational therapist to help others recover from any illness. 

Best Recovery meal ever!!!

For those in the UK today, its pancakes day!!! I am going to a pancake place this evening with my best friend, can't wait its been too long. Think I will go for a savoury one, maybe goats cheese and sundried tomatoes. 

What is your favourite topping? 
Do you ever get overwhelmed in the supermarket? 

Friday, 17 February 2012

Building Strength

Can't quite believe its the weekend, doesn't time go far too quickly?! My little break to Bath went far too quickly, and I am back to work next week boo:( At least it isn't too cold to be cycling back, would have hated going when we had the freezing temperatures and may have had to beg my boyfriend to pick me up:p

I had a fitness programme done on Thursday morning, you get one free with a gym membership and I met with someone called Lorriane who is lovely and has spoken with me before (more on that later). Anyway she firstly did my height, then wanted to weigh me!!!!! I don't even let my GP weigh me, the difference in scales triggers me and only ever weigh myself on my scales. A big fear must have been seen across my face.She asked why I didn't want to be weighed I thought for a minute then just came out with it " I have an eating disorder", I actually wasn't surprised by her reaction that she said she fully understood as she used to have one when she was 15 too, and had to have hormone replacement to have kids. I think she knew a while back I had issues as she has in the past asked if I was okay and if I was doing too much. After a while of ed chat and how I am trying to gain, seeing a dietican. She asked about my eating habits etc, said how they've got a lot better. She did say I do need to eat something before training, I usually don't tend to have a huge brekkie when I come back but she said that if I don't, doing weights and cardio will cause my body to burn its muscle and not good for a stress fracture so am going to now have a banana pre training even if I have to eat at 5 am for my early morning gym sessions. We spoke about bring in strength training to help strengthen my leg muscles, hips, and upper body which will help with my stress fracture, doing less cardio but bring the intensity up. So here is my new plan:

Warm up: 10 minutes walking on the treadmill

Resistance/ Weight Training:   

  • Leg Press- 10kg 3 sets of 12
  • Leg Extension- 7.5kg 3 sets of 12
  • Row/ Rear Deltoid- 7.15kg 3 sets of 12
  • Chest Press- 7.5kg 3 sets of 12
  • Shoulder press- on fitness ball 1kg 3 sets of12
Cardio Training: 
  • Windjammer 5 minutes, level 1
  • Rower- 2000 metres level 5
  • Upright bike- 15 minutes cascade hills level 9 
  • Cross trainer- 10 minutes random level 6
Core Strength/stability Exercises
  • Plank- 2 x 30 seconds
  • medicine ball twists- 2 sets of 15
  • Ball hands to knee- 2 sets of 15
Stretches to finish

It does feel quite good to follow a plan and feel that focusing more on building some strength will help with my cycling and running, and is also good to do weight bearing exercise to help with osteoporosis. It is only in the past few years that I have actually been able to open up about my eating disorder, I hate the mis-conceptions, the myths, the discrimination, the silence. Mental illness still is a very taboo subject and feel the more honest people are the more that people will see that its nothing to hide amongst the carpet!!,and hopefully with more understanding more can be done. 

Injury Update

I also had a sports massage done today, and their is good news with my shin splints the bruising has gone down, and my IT band is also beginning to heal. She thinks it will be okay to try running again on the roads in 2 weeks but to see how I feel whilst going to the gym and cycling. My knee pain has got so much better, it was even painful to walk on and seriously thought that I had done some damage to it worse than a stress fracture. I guess it must be in its 8th week of having the stress fracture which now means it hopefully is getting more on the mend. Today I was able to cycle for 30 miles with no pain. I am still continuing to ice and wear my knee strap and this seems to be helping in its recovery. I just need to try and really listen to my body, not do too much too soon and learn to rest! All easier said than done though. 

Are you able to be honest with people if you've struggled with a mental health problem? 
Do you do weights at the gym? 

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

WIAW-valentines edition

Thanks to jenn for hosting

Well I am feeling very very happy this evening, as I've just come back from an amazing two night break in the romantic city of Bath with my amazing boyfriend, and also this evening I was able to run on the treadmill!!! Those glorious 15 minutes made me feel so so good. I hope this is the last of my knee pain, I will be taking it slowly though and build up my mileage.

This will be short and sweet, but I am super proud of me eating a three course meal. I am doing things I never thought possible, and feeling more determined than ever to beat this dreaded illness.


Too start a glass of champagne!! 

Strawberries and greek yogurt

 smoked salmon, rye bread, poached eggs and watercress and spinach

This breakfast was amazing, well its only valentines day once a year. 

Rocket with tomatoes, mozerrela cheese and avocado

Dinner was amazing, we dined in this divine restaurant on the royal crescent. 

Buffalo mozzerella, pine nuts, and figs. I left the dressing as am not a fan of oil based ones.

The main I forget to photograph it was amazing though baked sea bass, with my favourite veg roasted butternut squash and brocolli and red skinned potatoes. 

Campapri and grapefruit sorbet

Washed down later on with plenty of cocktails and wine!!! Man did I have a hangover this morning. 

Happy Valentines day!!! 

Did you eat anything special on valentines day? 

Friday, 10 February 2012

stress fracture and upgrading meals

Oh how the weeks fly, I've had another week of work which has been nice and have all of next week off too!! I am really not wanting to go back to work when I do return I just hope that my new job starts soon. Anyway I saw my GP yesterday as my knee pain still wasn't clearing up. She examined me, and said it sounds like it could be a stress fracture. I mean its not a certain diagnosis as it doesn't show up on scans but because I have osteoporosis, haven't had periods for years and the weight that I am and the high impact of running; it seems probable.

So so upset, annoyed, and  frustrated!!! I am going on the pill again so I can start producing oestrogen. I went on it last summer, but I stopped taking it as was in a good place and wanting to get my periods back naturally and was also feeling sick from taking it. So am going to take it again, and their are other ones if I can't put up with the side effects. I am also trying to gain weight, but this is easier said than done. I next get to see my dietican a week on Monday. I'm trying to get as much calcium as possible and rest my body. My GP told me I couldn't run, I hope one day I can. I miss it so much, and get so jealous even seeing people being able to run on the treadmill. I have another sports massage booked for next Friday so will be able to get some more advice. I've been icing it lots, stretching my IT band as well. Really hope it recovers soon:(

This morning I baked some cookies, which seemed to relax me somewhat.

These were adapted from Katys blog oatmeal raisin cookies I used cashew butter instead of peanut butter and a mashed banana. I dropped one off to my lovely boyfriend at work along with a roll with cheese, ham, and salad.

As I was getting my breakfast I was thinking about how its changed, and how easy it is when increasing what your eating to simply upgrade your current food. My breakfast was simply some just some oats made with water and the odd bit of fruit!! Not particulary that inticing and certainly not enough to see me through a workout. Now my breakfast contains, a bigger portions of oats, flaxseeds (some healthy omega 3 fats!!) , loads of strawberries, some natural yogurt, and honey:

How do you upgrade your foods? 

Monday, 6 February 2012

Some muffins and injury.

Hello blogging world, I've had some time off work so is quite nice to not be rushing around and be able to relax somewhat. So yesterday afternoon, after a morning spent in the gym and swimming I decided to cook some muffins. I have been including more protein in my diet to help with my injury which seems to be an illotibial band problem. More of that in a mo, so I searched the internet for a healthy muffin recipe that I could use protein powder in and found this one.

They were fairly simple to make.

Apple and cinnamon protein muffins

  • 1 cup (130 grams) of self raising flour. 
  • 50g vanilla protein powder
  • 1/2 cup (100grams) chunky apple sauce
  • 1 tbp of cinnamon
  • 50 ml milk
  • 2 egg whites. 
  • 50g dried fruit
I added the wet mixture to the dry and then spooned in to cupcake cases. I like things in mini size. So they turned out like this: 

I just love my Emma Bridgewater tin!! 
(nutritional information per muffin 85 calories, 6 grams of protein, 16 carbs)

However they did come out a bit dry on the inside, still edible though:) I think because of the protein powder, so need to play around a bit with a few more recipes. This was actually the first time for a long while that I have made and ate a muffin actually I think these are the first ones I have made and ate. My eating disorder wouldn't allow me to have treats as I felt that I didn't deserve them and I have slowly been able to challenge this disordered thought, and tell myself that everyone deserves treats and it is the eating disordered side of me that is telling me this and not myself. 


So I can no longer run:( My own doing, I had brought my mileage up too quickly and my body wasn't ready for it. I also started running when I wasn't eating nearly enough to keep my body ticking. I also think not having my periods had something to do with it as I don't produce oestrogen which is needed for bone health and know stress fractures are a risk with this. I am not 100% sure what it is, but I had a sports massage last week which was so so painful!! and she says I have a tight illotibial band, and also my knee has some swelling, also the top of my hips were very sore. 

I've booked a doctors appointment this week.  When I try to run its so painful and can only manage about a mile. She said I can cycle and swim but to lay of the running. So I've managed to sell my half marathon ticket , but not being able to run is difficult as exercise is such a big passion of mine. I mean I do enjoy going to the gym, swimming, and cycling (when the weather improves) but their is nothing like having the freedom of being on the road just grabbing some shoes and going and feeling myself get stronger after each run. 

However I'm reading as much as I can about running, nutrition, and enjoying the cross training activities and plan to improve on my swimming and get out on the road more on my bike has have a 60 mile sportiveplanned for June time. I guess it was my bodies way of telling me that I need to rest, and know it will make me a more stronger runner and help me to listen to my body more.  I am also getting myself physically stronger so when I am back to running my body will be more able to deal with the high impact of running.

 Determined to beat this, anorexia has took over my life for far too many years and I am determined to not let it steal anymore. I am an athlete not an anorexic. I am going to achieve something more than this illness, which over the years has given me nothing. It may have helped deal with all the other crap in my life but at the end of it the only person I was ever hurting was myself. 

Some food from the past few days:

Cottage cheese with apple and bran sticks.

chickpea and lentil curry

mixed bean cassoulet with goats cheese, and veg. 

Ever been injured? How did you cope? 
Are you a muffin fan? Had an success with protein powders in baked goods? 

Friday, 3 February 2012

Blogger Tag/ Survey and February Goals

I've seen this Survey floating around the blogs, and glad I was tagged by the lovely Brittany@gotheextramile.

But firstly just want to speak over some goals that I have for February:

  • Gain some weight, I think last month I gained about 1kg, I have to do it slowly. My goal is to try and gain at least 2kg this month. 
  • Work with the reasons behind my anorexia. 
  • Listen to my body( I'm injured from running:( from doing too much too soon and running through pain).
  • Have some fun, have cocktails and not feel bad. 
  • Do some baking. 
  • Have more fats. Need to have more omega 3 and 6's to help with my inflammation.  
Blogger Tag

1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 5 random things about yourself.
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about you are tagged if you are reading this. You legitimately have to tag 11 people.

5 Random things about me

1. I used to play chess for my county. When I was in primary school I was quite good at chess and have a few medals to my name:D

2. I love sushi, if it wasn't so expensive I could really live of sushi

4. I love the colour pink, practically everything I own is pink. My laptop, camera, even my bike!! People know me for my pink wherever I go.

(yep that is a pink monopoly) 

5. I'm 25 and my current boyfriend is actually my first relationship.

Brittany's Questions

1. How tall are you?
I'm 165.5cm
2. What is a goal you are working towards?
Trying to gain some weight, and recover from anorexia.
3. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Working as an occupational therapist, in a nice house with my boyfriend hopefully by husband haha. 
4. What is something that a lot of people don’t know about you?
oooh this is a hard one, I'm quite flexible I used to dance when I was younger and the flexibility has sort of stayed with me. 
5. What is your favorite animal?
6. Is your current job the same thing you majored in in college?
7. What is something you have always wanted to do?
Visit Disneyland Florida. 
8. If you could go anywhere in the world for a week free, where would you go?
Probably a Caribbean Island. 
9. What is the craziest thing you have ever done?
Urm I have done far too many crazy things in my life haha, probably more recently building my running mileage up too rapidly. 
10. What is your favorite food?
11. What is your biggest fear?
It used to be gaining weight, but right now its the anorexia taking over again. 

Now my questions: 

1. Whats your favourite drink? 
2. Would you rather go on holiday to somewhere hot or somewhere cold? 
3. Whats your favourite boardgame? 
4. Favourite source of protein? 
5. What would be your favourite race to run? 
6. Whats your favourite coffee drink? (latte, cappuccino?)
7. Do you prefer to exercise indoors or outside? 
8. Are you a sweet or savoury person? 
9. If you could support one charity which one and why? 
10. What's been your favourite holiday to date? 
11. Do you like reading? If so what's your favourite genre? 

I think some of these have already been tagged, but hey ho: