Saturday, 26 March 2011

Happiness for real!

well yesterday was the most I have felt truly happy for in a long long time. I heard from Bournemouth Uni that I have a place there!! I was shaking when I had the ucas notification and its still sinking in. My life has changed so much in the past 2 years, and I am trully starting to feel that my life is getting back on track and that I am reaching where I want too. This time last year I was worrying about the calories in dried fruit and how much I have ate and now I am worrying about my assignments and making sure I get a good grade. It was pretty ironic that the same morning I weighed myself and felt happy but a few hours later when I had this news I was so happy, I cried when I found out. I didn't feel I would be able to go to uni, and now I have been giving the chance. Although the ed is still their I WILL NOT let it take over my life it is no longer the main focus in my life.

Well after my good news. I went to stay at a friends house where we shared cocktails. I had a mojito, cosmoplitan, and a belini with champagne! admitally more than one. I even bought some mini muffins from costa to share something I haven't ate in a long time, and it was my night to celebrate.

I am feeling so excited about my future in getting away from where I feel I have spent most of my eating disorder. Bournemouth is an amazing place to live.close to the beach and a good nightlife too. well im not really a big one for going out and drinking. But I feel I am now satrting my life I am finally reaching where I want to in my life

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Bournemouth Pictures

Bournemouth pier

Cocktail bar!!!!

I wanna be somebody else

I realised when I went away on my trip to bournemouth for my interview how much I really want to break away from where I live. I feel that it has almost become part of my identity-being eating disordered and when I was away I almost felt like someone different like it was a new start for me. I could even walk down the street drinking a sinny vanilla milkshake on full show something i can never really do is drink calorific drinks in the street.

going to the interview, having a look around bournemoth reallly confirmed how much I really wanted to go to Uni this year. I just want to make something of my life, I want to have fun I want to be given the chance to start my career as an occupational therapist. The area I live in has so many bad memories of being "ill" I know I am not 100% well or even recovered but I don't pretend to me, I wanted to be able to manage the eating disorder and that is what I feel I am doing well sort of. although recently me eating disorder appears to have switched:( but I am getting to know what the triggers are and am working threw them. just wish I could see myself properly in the mirror.

I really hope I do get a place at bournemouth as the campus seemed so nice and the staff were very friendly and seems like they were more friends than tutors from the relationship I saw with the other students. I think that perhaps a smaller uni wold be better for me in terms of my anxiety levels as know I struggled when I first went to college.

well today was college day which went quite well. I do love being at college and being around all the lovely people and having some giggles. well i think I won the dunces hat today! where i scored a grand total of 27% in my maths test. I knew I had miserable failed it. I didnt bother to revise, i will for the nexy one lol it was only a mock.. I was so tired in biology today. travelling is so exhausting and I was on a slow train as got a cheap ticket.

looking forward to tomorrow psychology in the morning and then lunch with a close friend. may look or buy something at the shops too. had my eye on a to shop peter pan style dress. although i should be saving for london lol. i may see what the other shops have and then decide:p

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag

Okay, so I am giving blogging a go! Will be a place for me to express my day to day goings on. The ups and downs that life can bring. the good, bad, and ugly;) 

This is a new bag that I bought:

Asda-£8 bargain. I was just going to go with my boring bog standard black one, which is nice but thought I deserved a new bag and is just the right size. 

Tomorrow is a BIG DAY for me. I am travelling on my own up to Bournemouth where I will be staying the night in a hotel and then on Tuesday will be attending a group interview. I am going to train to be an occupational therapist. It's a career that I feel very passionate about as I know for myself how valuable occupations have been for me in my own recovery. I haven't had much luck with interviews so far though. have got turned down by 3 places. been told that its because of the vast number of people applying. But I can't but not take it personally and see that it is because of me. However if I don't get in I do have other options and will take a year out to get some experience. 

I'm feeling quite nervous about tomorrow. especially going somewhere un-familiar and managing the interview which is a group one. But I am sure it will be fine. I'm looking forward to exploring the town and seeing what Bournemouth is like. I have checked that they have a costa coffee so all is good!!