Firstly yesterday was a tad stressful-I had occupational health to visit for my course that is to start in September. I am hopefully going to train to be an occupational therapist a career that I feel passionate can make a real difference to people's lives. Having activities in my life has helped me so much with my condition, and I really feel that I have a lot to offer people in helping them in their recovery; be that a mental, physical, social, or any difficulty... anyway.
(yes cocktail drinking is an activity!)
I had to see someone at Bournemouth hospital which is a 3 hr car journey, I have been worried about it for months because of my past and current history battling anorexia and depression. Although I am well on my way to recovery and have come on a long way I still need some support and am not 100% recovered. I do hope that one day I can say that I am:) I was told my many it was a formality for them to make sure they have support in place for me. But when I was told that I need to get my GP and CPN to provide further details especially as I mentioned I have been in supported housing for nearly 2 years. I broke down I couldn't control the tears, I want to go to uni so badly I am more than ready from it. I am well aware that the course is stressful but over the past two years I have had more than my far share of stress..
with my Mum nearly dying from her 3 rd overdose, a close friend dying, my sister taking an overdose. AND... I have had no more admissions, my weight hasn't dropped low. I have been able to get things back on track.
In other news ( women's stuff mentioned)
A few weeks ago I mentioned about trying out the contraceptive pill. I visited my GP and she prescribed it to me as I have a lot of concerns about my bone health (have osteoporosis) and about one day being able to have kids. So she suggested I go on one. I was feeling quite sick from taking it and If I was gaining weight I wanted to get my periods back naturally as that would mean my body would be healthy:) so I stopped taking it I took it for maybe two weeks. Anyway this morning I had a bleed. How I felt...shocked, scared, relieved, pleased It means that hopefully my bones are not degrading as we speak and that I am able to have kids.
I didn't expect it tbh as I only took the pill for two weeks. However I know its not getting my period back naturally. I am going to speak to my GP next week and ask her advice on whether I should continue taking it or not. Today did feel a bit surreal I haven't had my period for about 5 years and obviously had no stuff, so had to get the bus in to town, get some pads and tampons. I remember I did use to wear tampons but really wouldn't have a clue how they urm work so I have used pads today. Oh my I am sorry if this is tmi but I need somewhere to talk about it. I felt like a 15 year old girl again.
Which finally brings me today, where I saw my CPN which helped eased my mind about occupational health. Then went to the gym. Managing to run again on the treadmill, going to start off slowly this time Then I met a friend for a drink. We met at an EDA support group, she was ill for about 4 years then she just decided that she didn't want to be this way anymore and started to eat again. She is now fully recovered and takes part in triathlons. We both talked about how exercise has been beneficial in eating disorder recovery, yes I would exercise when I deep in anorexia but that was just walking miles and miles.
But you can't run or cycle on no food. I want to get stronger at cycling and running and know you can't do that when your underweight and not eating enough. Exercise makes me feel so damn good I love feeling myself get faster and improving. She inspired me to look in to doing triathletes. I mean I cycle, I can run, and swim and maybe it will be a good laugh. She says the ones she does are more warm ups for the serious atheletes who do iron mans. We talked about how great life is no longer being controlled by an eating disorder. However I did feel a bit idk shocked that she just could snap out of it just like that I sometimes wish that would have been the case for me. But I guess recovery is a journey?
Tonight I cooked a lemony lentil dahl:
I then decided it looked quite lonely in the bowl so roasted some butternut squash and more mushrooms
Will upload the recipe tomorrow. Got some portions to freeze too.
How has exercise helped you? Doesn't have to be ed related
Any experiences of university?
Sounds like that would have been a stressful situation! Exercise motivates me to eat more too, because I know that it's needed to be strong and powerful, which is exactly what I want :)
ReplyDeleteExercise was pretty much what saved me. I understand why they tell you not to exercise in recovery -- i mean it makes sense. But once I was in a healthy place mentally, I started running. I started competing. I started winning. I didn't care about how many calories were burned or how much I got to eat from it. I was just too happy to care. I had confidence again... I felt amazing.. it totally transformed me. While it did make me lose weight (unintentional!) it's been so important mentally. I think people recovering from eating disorders can really benefit from exercise if it's not about the calories burned, but about the way it makes you feel.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Sarah said, that exercise motivates me to eat more. I have always been an active person, even before all of the business with my eating disorder started, so I just feel the need to be in shape, I love how it makes me feel!
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with Tara too! That it is about the way exercise makes you feel
Sounds like a stressful couple of days for you. Good for you for putting it out there and asking for help!
ReplyDeleteI love to exercise too - I think it really motivates me to be a healthier person in general. As far as the women issue stuff, I'm so happy to hear that the pill is helping you get things regular again! I personally use tampons & pantyliners, but I think whatever works for each women personally is perfect! I want to look into the DivaCup, but I figured I'd use up the stuff I've got to hand before buying something else.
Don't feel bad for venting girl, this is YOUR blog and you can say whatever you want!
ReplyDeleteWith that said, exercise does motivate me to eat more too (like Tessa said above). I feel like I work hard for my feasting ;)
Love your blog! (-: Thanks for your comment over at movesnmunchies!!
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