Friday, 24 June 2011

I feel somewhat lost

i am sitting here and wondering what to do. for the last 9 months every spare moment has been taking up by my college course and now its over and I no longer have that to occupy me. I am a bit scared of the old thought process coming back as college gave me a purpose. I would love to work but I will end up losing more money as my housing costs would be too much as live in supported housing. I have tried to sort out some voluntary work but they all want crb forms. I think I may go and visit some family in milton keynes. Will probably go out cycling too, but sometimes it does feel lonely to go out on my own. I have lost many friends to the ed, and although I am starting to make new ones and get my life on track it is still a long process. I do have one amazing friend and she knows who she is, and has been around in the very worst of my illness days.

today i will visit my mum for lunch and maybe message a few people and try and arrange to meet up.

yesterday i had a really great cycle ride, did 45 miles in 3 hrs, and got talking to this friendly chap on the road which was nice i was very flattered when he asked if i was a triathlete lol. and i did my usual thursday night drinking which was okay but realised that men are far too complicated , i thougt from doing psychology i could work out people behaviour but with men it feels far too complicated


  1. Bloody hell lovely, you cycle a LOT!


    How long do you have until uni?
    I think you start in September?
    I always find 'holidays' the hardest times. I have approximately 6 weeks off to fill... After a week, with three of those days being taken up by my niece, I was climbing the walls.
    But I'm determined to make this holiday different. And that's why I have my list =P [although I'm pretty sure I'll fail at hating porridge lol I love the stuff especially when i mix cinnamon in mmmmm].

    I ... every time I feel myself starting to trip, I go back to the list and I pick one thing off it and do. My days are very different now to when the semester is in, because I always felt there was too little time in the day to get everything done. I HAD to multitask everything [make bed, wash up, make breakfast lunch and take care of dog all within 15 minutes type multitask =S].

    I try and stretch things out now. But it's lonely. I understand that. I don't really have anyone I can call and say 'hey lets do this' or 'lets go walking' and such. So I need that list.

    Maybe you could try something similar? Doesn't matter how 'silly' you think some of them are. They're not. Because a). they serve a purpose and b). they're important to you; thus, they're not silly at all!

    I went for a drive a took photos of where I live. Stood on a high dirt mound in sub zero temperatures [17 degrees. Chill factor -949292 =P]..But that took up a few hours. I pick the hardest times that I struggle. Usually, they're the hours between 10:30 am and 2:30 pm. So I do stuff within those hours- I make sure I do stuff.


  3. I suggest you add to your list READING. Because it will keep you in the hang of it for when you go to uni ;) and maybe read stuff pertaining to your course. I'm not sure how the process works for you but over here, we enroll before we get to uni and we can see the required text books via the course outline which is online. I'm not a great reader [makes it hard] but sometimes just flicking through the pages of text books helps out.. I become familiar with the pictures prior to the start, at least =P

    Have you thought about the playgroup, or will that have too many bad associations?

    And men... are another breed of animal which I don't think I will EVER understand. I gave up a long time ago. And if ever I meet one who I can remotely relate to, then that will be wonderful. If not, that's okay. I have my cats =P

    [I think a job may be a little too much just now. I think if it was something offered to you after you'd done voluntary work for a little while, that'd be different. But it's a huge step to take in a very short time. Give yourself time okay ;)]


    [I'm so impressed I figured out how to post!!!!]

  4. hey hun, thought with your intelligence you would know how to work a website:p yes I do indeed start uni in september well I think towards the end of september just in time for freshers week where I plan on getting all my alcohol intake over with lol.

    A list does seem like a good idea, I may do it with one of the staff. I mean I managed before I had a life, but I guess the ed was my life:o but it is not anymore:D

    I do plan on buying some books that I will need for my course their is a unit on anatomy and physiology and biollogy is not my strong subject lol.

    the playgroup stops over the summer:( it would have been an option.

    i do plan on doing some cycling and im trying to get in to running it is healthy exercise and I eat to compenstate lol

    the past few days have been okay, wine has made it better lol;)