So quick catch up. my apts went okay on monday. really well with the dietician. reassured me about the sessions with her as I felt I was needing to see her and she works alot different outside the unit and sees people obviously on an out patient basis. One of my goals untill I next see her is to incoeperate more carbs that don#t form the basis of fruit> apperently 5-% of your intake is meant to be carbs. So that is my goal and today have managed that I had a bowl or porridge pre run and some pearl barley when I got back followed by a bowl of fruit and yogurt. tonight was my first run and I was quite impressed with myself managed to run a 5k run which took 27 minutes. i did stop and start a bit but overall went well. i used my garmin 750 even though its aimed at bikes its okay to take on runs.
So sunday night went quite well. We had lots of conversation I even asnwered the dreaded question "what food do you like?" lol he told me he never cooks!! hasnt even used his over!! said I would cook one evening for him. He is actually quite sweet he text me shortly after he dropped me of said he was very shy but had a nice evening and would like to meet again. At the moment I would say we are friends but I guess it could lead to more. Tonight I am meeting him for a DVD night at his. He said he would either drop me back or he would go on the sofa, I would rather come back to mine as have to get things ready for college and usually go on a walk pre college. So I will update further on how it goes.
In other news I am for the first time starting to really see how my body looks and sometimes feel ashamed yes ashamed in a good way. I dont like it that my chest bones stick out. In the past I liked it as it showed how thin I was but the last two evening that I went out I felt the need to cover them up so I dont look so emaciated. yes in the past I am ashamed to say that I wanted that look. I still see my thighs as big I always have done though and in the past I had freaked when my chest starting to get bigger as it meant I was a "women" and I never wanted to appear attractive to the other kind because of my past hisotory and it has been one of the reasons that has kept me in the ed for so long. so I feel this is a bit of a relevation that I am starting to dislike my "anorexic body" as such. However I still feel too scared to eat more. I am going to see what my weight does over the next few weeks and hopefully eridicate the purging/bingeing which I have done for the past week but had one slip up but is such an improvement from my once a day. Then I may speak with the dietican and my psychologist in overcoming the beast that has dominated my life but will no longer dominate my life.
Hope everyone is having a good evening.