my birthday!!!

So I have been absent for a few days but that has been because I have been so busy. It was birthday yesterday and I had probably the best birthday I have had in a long while. Most of my birthday over the past few years have been horrid as most of those have been spent in hospital! Although I was dreading it because I was turning 25! and I can't tell you how old I feel and it sometimes saddens me when I think of the years wasted because of the ed, but I guess those years have shape the person I am today.

It was the first birthday since I was probably 18 that I felt alive again, like I can see a future ahead of me that for once I am happy. I was amongst friends and for years I have isolated myself where I guess I told myself that I didn't need friends as I had anorexia as a friend well a devil really. Also I felt comfortable in my own body and I felt pretty.

FOr my birthday I went to pizza express where i had one of their allegra pizzas it has a hole in the middle filled with a salad, my pizza contain mozzerella cheese, courgettes, mushrooms, peppers, and I had extra goats cheese. For desert I had a gelato desert with nougat, praline and marsala wine. It was all so nice, I love pizza I should make an effort to eat it more. 


I feel very positive at the moment about my recovery and my future. The ed is very much starting to loosen its grip on me and I feel that I am winning the battle. Today at work I had a meal their for the first time I work in a pub so get 50% of their meals and I had usually been bringing my own in. But I really wanted a roast so had a portabello mushroom and chickpea loaf with veg, stuffing, and 2 huge yorskire puds! I swapped the potatoes for yorksire!!

I have had an all day hangover so not good. however I did try a toffee apple cider.

Eating disorders kill

I wasn't sure whether to write about this or not. But I know people who may read this and whom also battle with  an eating disorder. But yesterday I had the sad news of  a girl that had died because of complications of her anorexia. I knew she was very poorly, and seemed to have little in the way of support. It was only last week we were talking on facebook chat about in-patient support and how it had helped me to get to a better place. I didn't know her very well, we were only connected because she had an eating disorder, buts he was such a sweet sweet girl and didn't deserve to leave this way. She also had a blog. Twenty years old:( what a sad sad loss, she was so young and was doing an open university course. I know she will be grately missed.

It is the shocking reality that eating disorders KILL. I know from being in a very sorry state you never ever think it could happen to you. It was only two years ago that I was in and out on a general ward waiting for a bed at an IP unit and that was the first time it dawned on me that "holy shit, I didn't mean for this to happen". After that moment I chose life.

So I am shouting this out to all who struggle, all who battle to take care of yourself. You only get one life, their is no going back. Recovery is so worth it. I never thought I would be anything but my eating disorder, I never for the life of me thought that I would ever get to go to university or be working and eating what I do now. It has been a struggle at times but so worth it.

Their is no question no pretty picture but to say that those who struggle seek support, their is hope and with hard work their is a life out their for you. I am not claiming to be 100% recovered I am still battling my demons but I believe that one day I will get their.

WIAW-Lasagne baby!!

So my second week doing this.. I actually didn't get to bed till 2.30am last night! I managed to get a lift back with someone and we were chatted to one of the guys on and had a drink and I was up at 8am! I have just had this for brekkie:

old picture sorry but oats with a chopped banana, peanut butter and chocolate powder. My new brekkie staple. 

Lunch will be a goats cheese and ja sandwich bt my dinner will be a creation I made a few days ago when I had more spare time...

 I was actually proud of myself for making this lasagne. It is one of my favourite meals but I have never had it out because its usually made with meat and ladden with lots of cheese. But this one is really healthy made with linda Mcartney veggie mince with lots of vegetables. 

The mince mixture, then of course I have to add marmite to it: (marmite is amazing in tomato based dishes)

Now the finished piece:

Vegetable Lasagne

• Wholewheat lasagne sheets I used about 10
• 200g veggie mince
• vegetables-courgette, onion, carrot, and mushrooms
• 600ml soya milk
• 3tbsp cornflour
• 100g cheese
• can of chopped tomatoes
• 600 ml veggie stock
• marmite-add to desire
• herbs-mixed herbs, parsley, and basil
• 1 tsp oil
• 2tsp tomato puree
• freshly grated nutmeg

Directions

1. I firstly heated the oil and fried of the onion for 5 minutes, I then added the carrots cooked for a further two minutes.

2. Turn up the heat a little then add the veggie  mince. Stir in the stock, tomatoes, puree, and dried herbs (I also added marmite at this point). Bring to the boil, then cover and gently simmer for 45 minutes. 

3. To make the white sauce-mix the cornflour to a smooth paste with a little of the milk. Heat the remaining milk to boiling point, then pour some of it onto the cornflour mixture, stirring. Return this to the milk in the saucepan. Bring to the boil, stirring until the sauce thickens, then simmer for 2 minutes. Stir in the nutmeg and season to taste. 

4. Spoon half the mince mixture over the base of an oven proof dish, cover with a layer of lasagne, then spoon over the remaining meat sauce and cover with another later of pasta then pour over the white sauce to cover the lasagne completely. Finally scatter over the grated cheese and bake in a pre heated oven until the lasagne is bubbling and the top is lightly browned it took about 40 minutes.  

Have another busy day today I have to take my bike in to the repair shop as my chain happened to break! Not good as I had to walk 2 miles with it and will do similar today to take it to the bike shop. 

Up in the hills!

So today I had the most awesome bike ride. Once a week I like to do a hilly route to try and improve my hill climbing and I do feel myself getting stronger which is a mixture of adequate nutrition doing some weights at the gym and a case of practise makes perfect. Today was a good effort as I didn't have to use the front middle cog at all in other words I didn't have to use granny gear:p. I went to Haytor which is close to Dartmoor. 

The part I loved most about where I cycled to today was the scenery below are some pictures that I took on my mobile when I was out: ps the horses may look cute but they can also be quite viscous because their wild!

I did about 30 miles and loved every minute of it all, also did some 1 minute intervals on the flat where was cycling on the hoods and reached speeds of 24mph... so I needed some protein when I got back and tried the     

spiritulim strawberry shake and I wasn't a fan it didn't really mix well. I need to invest in a blender of some point. Think I am going to invest in the magic bullet at some point. After the shake I was ready for some lunch which was a tofu stir fry with wholewheat noodles in a terrayki sauce:

Well I am just of to see my CPN and then start work. I am slightly dreading tonight as  I don't finish until 1am!! and then have to cycle back it's only about 2 and 1/2 miles but I am going to be so tired!

What is everyone's favourite form of exercise and why? I love cycling feeling myself get stronger in the saddle, feel my leg muscles improving, getting better at a certain route and doing it faster. 

Busy day and dietican appointment

So today it feels like I haven't stopped. I have had a very productive day. I started the morning of with something a bit different for me!! My usual oats and chopped banana but this time with the addition of some chocolate powder. Oh my I was in love-seriously why have I never tried this before

well sorry for the bad light in the photo. After brekkie I went to my local gym to my first ever body jam class and my god did I need carbs to get me threw that one! Was very energetic but also good fun. 

Dietitian Appointment

This went okay also, was good to get some advice about y intake when I am working on the bar and as I had a suspicion I do need to be eating more when I am working and she said I need to put my energy requirements higher when doing my BMR of what I need to have daily. She is also very pleased with how I am doing being back at home, working. Especially as she knew me from my days of being admitted at the in patient unit where we had a bit of an hateful relationship well my ed hating her for feeding me lol. But now I have a lot of trust in her and she has been really useful with ways to include fats and suggestions for sources of protein, calcium etc. 

We also chatted about my thoughts of gaining weight and how it will benefit me in having kids, preserving my bone structure which does scare the crap out of me as I have osteoporosis. She said I would need to take in an extra 100-150 calories a day regularly to see an 0.2-0.5 kg increase, I thought it would have been more but guess the weight gain is slow. It has given me "food for thought" excuse the pun. I guess I am scared as to how my body will change. 

So after my appointment I had a look around town and took back some trousers from newlook. I have eaten precisely 8 nectarines today yes 8!! Oh my. I do love my fruit though and they are just so sweet and juicy I have been trying to food budget but is quite hard. This evening I made myself something extra special but I will reveal that for WIAW. 

Any ideas of how to eat healthy as a student?

Coffee's are on me!

So today was my first shift at wetherspoons and I spent the day learning how to do coffee's I already make them at home with my own coffee maker but I heat the milk in the microwave... so now I am also a coffee barsita;) I am a coffee addict myself so already knew all the drinks they do. The rest of the day was spent putting breakfasts and a roast dinners through the till and pulling pints!

For lunch today I made a salmon salad with some buckwheat I got this grain mix that takes 8 minutes it was one of those things that I bought ages ago but forgot about...

This was the salad that I made:

Underneath is a mix of spinach, lettuce leaves, romaine, grated carrot, cucumber and cherry tomatoes.
Followed by these crisps by snapz;

They were okay but not my fav ones think I prefer the beetroot ones they do. The ingredients list is 

• carrot
• Starch syrup (potato) less than 2%
• Dried capsicum extract
• Natural paprika flavour

Today at work one of the managers who are all lovely mentioned about how the apron was miles to big for me and that I needed a smaller shirt they gave me a size ten one. I found quite embarrassed about the fact and very nearly said sorry, in the past I would have loved the attention but I really didn't want it at all I want people to see me as Sarah not as the "thin one" the girl with "issues". I haven't told them about my ed and want to keep in that way I mean if they ask I will tell them as I am not ashamed by having mental health problems. But I don't think I look obviously anorexic I guess cause I know I have been smaller when I was iller and I am now in recovery and trying as hard as I can to beat it. 

Hope everyone has had a good weekend. Whats your favourite coffee if you drink it? I am a soya latte girl

Goats Cheese and Jam sandwich

So I never thought this would go together but it actually did. I have been addicted to goats cheese recently and when I last went out to eat I had this goats cheese and fig relish sandwich I have been trying to hunt down thsi relish for ages but no such luck the cafe said they will order me some in (they go to ashburton to collect it!). 

Anyway this is going to be fairly short and sweet as I shortly have to dash of to work. Last night I really enjoyed my shift, even though when I first came on the bar this guy said to me I look about 11!!! Yes cheers thanks for that:p I actually don't like looking as young as I do I am nearly 25 and people still see me as this young little girl. In the past one of the main triggers of my anorexia was to not look like a women, not be seen as attractive have boobs a womanly figure but now this is not so much the case I don't want to look so child like I guess I should be grateful in that I look so young but even if I could pass for 20 it would be something lol

 I think my shift went better because I had some clue as to where things were and can now properly pull pints lol! It was really nice to be in a social job and be able to interact with others and not feel quite so anxious as I have been in the past which will help me with uni. I also ate more than I did before my shift yesterday and that really helped had some lush  food doctor nuts the roasted bean mix with my goats cheese and jam sarnie coupled with an apple and a nakd berry bar, I love picnic style food!

I really can't wait to go:D:D and I will be able to transfer to the one in Bournemouth.

I am feeling a lot more like my old self again, although I am still counting what I am eating I am not obsessing over it I don't have time for it and I hate doing it. Bring on life fly away ed!!

Any other guys at uni? How did you find your first year with money, social life?