Great week and a milestone

Sorry for the lack of blogging recently. I have just had a busy week. even my evenings have been busy. It all started on Friday the 13th... Known to many as

A day that means bad news. However my day was pretty awesome. Firstly had the last part of my training for a health care assistant job and afterwards i was able to go to an interview that i didnt think I could go too as my training overlaped. However my training finished earlier so I called the other job up and asked if I could attend the interview. I was unprepared, but I managed to nail the interview. I even had to speak to a group of teenagers about a social action project... However I got the job, and proud and happy I was.

 I never thought it possible that even a few months ago I would be working as a youth worker, let alone attending an interview at the whim.

In other news my injury is loads better and am pretty much back to all my usual activities. Went on a 50 mile cycle ride yesterday and felt so so strong, best I have ever ridden. Although I am sick of people commenting on my small size and asking how much I weigh- no joke!!! I mean you would never ask someone who was obese what their weight was. I find it strange as I am at the highest weight I have been at for nearly 8 years!!!! I myself still feel "big", but to others I am not so maybe it is all in my head . I also decided to weigh myself this morning, and my BMI for the first time in goodness knows how many years is in the healthy range. I didn't feel awful as I thought I would do BUT I felt proud, proud that I have done this on my own.

I never thought it would be possible that I would be able to eat what I am eating, be the weight I am now, be happy, have an amazing boyfriend, have things in common with people that isn't having an eating disorder in common, to have friends that love me for who I am and to be able to converse with them with everyday conversations. I have put on around 10 kg since January time, many of my clothes no longer fit me. Alhough difficult I know its a good thing and I can now get new clothes:p  I may not like my legs, I may still look in the mirror and feel big but they are strong, I can cycle, run, and swim and most importanly I feel happy. On my last ride someone commented on how much  I have improved, my speeds are the best they have ever been.  I want to be able to share with people that recovery is possible that you can go from the lowest, deepest dark hole, to that of a functional person who has a whole life ahead of them. After about 5 hospital admissions I am happy to say that I have made it through. I know I still have some way to go, gaining weight is almost the easy part its dealing with my head that takes the work. However I didn't get ill overnight so it isn't going to disappear overnight so I just have to be patient.

After all that.... This weekend has been pretty awesome too. I spent it at Andys we made pizzas on Saturday night from scratch-yep that included the dough!!!

 Pizza ingredients-yep that is mango:p 

Andy was such a good dough kneader!!

We even made cheesy dough sticks. 

My toppings included goats cheese, peppers, mushrooms, mango and emmental cheese. Oh and a bbq sauce base so so nice. 

We are making them again next Sunday for the rest of the family and letting them pre order them:p think I we may do some garlic bread too.  I have never made my own pizza dough before but they were so so nice, and the only ingredients in the dough was whole-wheat and white flour, pinch of salt, two tablespoons of olive oil, and water. It was so much fun too, can have whatever toppings you fancy. 

Have you ever made pizza? 

for those that have gained weight how did you feel when you got their? Also how long did it take to get your periods back? 

Injured again:(

Dear lord I seem to spend half my life recovering from an injury. This one is another reality check for me. I am not quite sure how it happened. But I think it was from Body Pump, and also perhaps as my boyfriend said from pushing my body too much:( That particular day, I went for a swim at 8am, pilates at 9, followed by body pump then body combat. My back felt a little sore on tuesday evening, However the next day it was so painful, I could barely walk without being in so much pain. It was also affecting my breathing. I tried to get an appointment with my sports massager, but couldn't see her until next tuesday. My mum told me to see a chiropractor. Although I don't really have the money at the moment, I knew I had to see someone. He knew what it was from just looking at my back... Thoracic back pain. This was why I was finding it hard to breathe. It was too inflamed to treat their and then but he did put some bio freeeze stuff on to help with the inflammation and told me to ice, rest, and take some anti inflammatories.

It feels a lot better today, well I can breathe without being in pain, and also move without pain. But it is still quite sore and have stayed of the exercise. It is another shocking  reminder of having osteoporosis, sometimes its easy to forget the damage that anorexia has done to my body; weakened bones, kidney problems, digestive problems, and thats just some of the physical side effects. However when I get injured, it then hits me in the face I can't change my past, I can't change the damage that I have done but I have the power to change the future. Those who've been reading my blog know I have been trying to gain weight, which I have managed to do. However I actually haven't weighed myself for a few weeks as have been too scared too. I need to try next week at some point, but I know I have put some on but am scared of seeing it face to face. I know I really need my periods back, and I don't want to have that dreaded hunch back that you see from women with osteoporosis I want to be able to exercise and not be in constant pain. I'm determined to not let the injury get me down. I am having some treatment tomorrow and he says its nothing too serious.

In the meantime, I have been getting as much calcium as possible, and trying to eat as much as I can. I just wish that sometimes the thoughts would leave me alone. Hasn't this illness done enough???!!! Every pain I get in some strange way, helps me. Perhaps its my body telling me that enough is enough, if I want to lead a normal life I can't stay underweight, I need to get my periods back, and need to reach a healthy weight. Despite knowing what I need and want to do, the mirror still lies. I still see myself as big when I look in the mirror, some days are worse than others. I wonder if it will always be this way but I will find ways to live with it. How come I understand my illness so much, but still don't understand it enough to be fully recovered. At the moment, I am faking it till I make it, eating but scared of putting on weight, but still doing it. I know it will be worth it in the end.

However my easter was really lovely. Had the most amazing weekend with my boyfriend. Got spoilt and brought some of my favourite things. I most be the only person that gets excited over having cereal bars as an easter gift!!!

Easter gifts from my boyfriend he knows me very well:p 

I made these protein bars today from this blog, they were so simple and easy to make. I used chocolate protein powder. 

 Homemade protein bars

Cereal bowl contains cottage cheese, greek yogurt, bran flakes, o's munch, apple, and peanut butter.

If I could live of cereal I seriously would, love it so much. Had this creation 3 times today. Plan of action for the weekend is rest, a local food and drink fayre, weekend with my boyfriend, and to not lose my mind through not exercising. Oh and to hope this bloudly back pain gets easier. 

What food could you eat and never get bored of? 

Any advice on overcoming distorted body image? 

Cycling fuel

Howdy, hope everyone has had a fab weekend. I have done over 100 miles of cycling this weekend, and it got me thinking to do a post on the best foods to eat whilst on the bike. I have tried many things:

It often depends on what sort of ride I am doing. If its a fairly easy pace then something like a nakd bar, and a banana will do every half hour or so. In terms of nutrition I tend to go by the rule of your body weight in kg per hour as how many carbs that I will need. Although if the pace is harder, your body needs more. This is just a general rule as I know many cyclists who will have far less and some who will have more. As I don't tend to stop when I am cycling fast, I need something that is portable and also easy to digest. This has been somewhat of trail and error. But my favourite things to eat mid ride are:

Yep, sweets. They are easy to digest, soft to chew give you a much needed sugar boost. Although not the most healthiest, .when your burning 500 plus calories an hour you need carbs and you need them quick:p 

I find that some cereal bars will give me stomach cramps, especially if the pace is intense. However some of my favourite bars are as follows:

Torq energy bars

Powerbar

Trek bars

I like the Trek bars towards the end of a ride as they contain 11 grams of protein, so you can start the recovery process on the bike. 

I have also been experimenting with energy gels. Some don't tend to agree with me, and I also don't like the taste of many of them. But so far I have found the Torq and GU energy gels to be the best, and I swear they help me with all the hills around Devon. 

Elevation

(Last long ride) 

The next thing that I will be trying out will be some carbohydrate drinks, as when I don't get a chance to eat or if the intensity is too high they are the easiest things to get fuel to your body. 

It has taken me a long time to realise how important nutrition is, and more importantly that it really does make a difference to your rides. However its not just what you eat on the bike, but also what you eat after that is doubly important. I will do another post on refuelling.  My speeds are best they have ever been,  and I  guess I learnt the hard way about what not properly fuelling your  body can do, hence a stress fracture!!! 

If you exercise more than an hour, what are your favourite carbs? (i've had many bad experiences with dried fruit, more so in running though)

Any foods you stay away from? 

Running shoes

I hope everyone in the UK is enjoying the wonderful weather today, is so nice to not wear multiple layers to leave the house in, and be able to get some vitamin D I always feel so much happier in the summer!!

This is the 3^rd pair of running shoes I have bought in around 6 months!!! And its not because they have been overused. The first pair I got was bought at the end of last summer when I was first starting to take up running, I went to a sports shop. They put me on this machine and told me I over pronanted so needed a stability shoe. After having a brief relapse and stopping running I started again around November time, started to get ITB problem. Few months later  I visited a specialist running shop they didn’t do a proper gait analayis just looked at the way I walked said no way I was an over pronator so got a neutral shoe. Then had a stress fracture. I don’t know if it was the shoe that caused it, more like an overuse injury, or perhaps a mixture  of the both. But I didn’t want to start running properly until I had a proper gait analysis done. 

So I visited this specialist running shop after doing some googling, they did a gait analysis. And OMG the guy who I spoke to was seriously amazing, even if I went away I would come back to the same shop to see him. He firstly “chatted” to me asking me about the injuries, past history. I told him that I used to dance, and about my issues with osteoporosis and anorexia. He said that the shoe I had was too heavy for  me, he made reference to my frame size and said I needed a shoe that gave me flexibility in my feet. 

We did a few squat tests and he did pick up that I have fairly weak hips, I do have osteoporosis in my hips so this may be the reason. Then was running on the treadmill barefoot, it felt strange at first, this was also videoed so he could see my running style. I am apparently a forefoot striker. When I was running on the treadmill it showed that I didn’t over pronate, however when I ran on the treadmill with shoes on I did. After trying pair of pair of trainers on where the guy could tell straight away if the shoe wasn’t right. We settled for a neutral shoe, as many of the stability shoes were too heavy for me and I didn’t have any flexibility when running in them. Because I am a fore foot striker I need a shoe that have excellent forefoot cushioning, flexibility, and stability.  I knew when I was running in these

Adidas Supernova glide 4

That they felt right, I could move my feet freely and just felt so light in them. I must have spent nearly two hours chatting to the guy and finding the right shoes!!! And I am so glad I did. I feel more confident when I am running too. It also didn't cost me anything to have the gait analysis done, they charge £10 but if you buy a pair of shoes it costs you nothing. 

On Wednesday was my first little run in them. As I’m training for a triathlon I did a 20 mile bike ride followed by a 1 mile run. It was also the first time running straight of the bike, it felt strange for the first minute or two. But once I was running it felt so good, I can’t describe how wonderful it felt to run. I came back downed some strawberry soya milk followed by one of my paellas.

This week has been a pretty good week, had a nice catch up with a friend in nandos,  had a good swim lesson, managed a rest day yesterday, had a trip to waitrose with my boyfriend and treated myself to some food doctor granola its so good!!!, especially over porridge and banana:

I am actually quite relieved their isn’t a Waitrose too close by as I would seriously spend far too much money!!! I've also been doing some baking,  these 

Peanut butter protein bombs. 

And these

Taste just like the banana bread nakd bars

I’m looking forward to the weekend too as have my Boyfriend over and tonight we are making bellini cocktails. These are my favourite kind, I have expensive taste:p  although not too many as we are going on a ride together tomorrow morning. I've just come back from a 57 mile cycle ride over many hills, my laps were around 16mph, it just shows how strong my body is getting, and will hopefully continue to get strong. I am trying to use this as motivation, as my body image is starting to get difficult again, I'm looking in the mirror an not liking what I see. Determined to plod on though, despite what the ed tells me. 

Have you ever had a gait analysis? 

any plans for the weekend?

Are you  a cocktail drinker? 

WIAW-Mothers day

This WIAW is based on mothers day. For those of us in the UK last Sunday was mothers day; where we celebrate our love for our mummies:) I love my Mum so much and don't know what I would do without her. I will really miss her when I go away to Bournemouth. I treated her to a michael Jackson top, a photo with a picture of me and her in it:

I also got her this journal, called from you to me. My mum has quite bad memory problems, it has gotten worse over the past year to the point where she has sent money to people and not even realised what she was doing. She's still having tests to get a proper diagnosis its not dementia, but is most likely caused by previous overdoses, as a recent scan showed a decrease in her brain matter. So I am always trying to find things that can help with her memory and this seemed ideal; its basically something for her to fill in to tell me all about her life,and what I was like as a child. Their is more info here if anyone wanted to check it out. gifts. 

After I had exchanged gifts. I had my breakfast; I tried the Philadelphia cream cheese and cadburys chocolate and it was so so nice!!!, the other side was honey

Then had a pressing date with my lovely boyfriend. This involved a cycle ride with a tea stop. We usually stop halfway through the ride, the place we planned to go to was actually closed!!! But knowing the area fairly well we cycled to the Cranks Resturant in Totnes. Its a quite famous vegetarian resturant.  Andy had his usual cream tea  which I had a piece off, and I had some wholemeal toast and jam. after the stop we did a loop, overall I think we did 25 miles. Was a fairly easy ride for me, as I seem to climb like a goat in my new bike:p 

Came home showered, and turned from a sweaty cyclist to a less sweaty cyclist. I love wearing red. Think it looks quite nice with blonde hair. 

I had booked us in a local resturant, that is always so hard to get booked in too. At xmas they get fully booked by AUGUST!!!!! They do a really great carvery, and it also pleases me as they do my favourite veggie nut roast:

I had it with a huge side of vegetables:

 Okay this is where I felt the ed was starting to annoy me. I do love the nut roast, but I kind of wanted something different, but wasn't sure how it would turn up, what would be in it etc.  Sometimes the internal battle can be so tormenting,  I just wish I could go out for a meal and choose what I wanted not what the ed wanted. Although it was a really nice meal, and the nut roast is one of the most nicest things that I have tried. It was also really nice to spend some time with my Mum as we don't often get to do, as she never goes out.

Dinner was a butternut squash rissoto that I had made previously, I accidently forgot to take it out the lid, well I did think it would be oven proof clearnly not haha

It was edible though once I had transfered it to a plate, had it with  some goats cheese on top, a veggie sausage and a load of vegetables. 

Before bed I had one of my favourite breakfasts:

Dorset cereals gingerbread oats with peanut butter

I have finally been able to run again!!! I went to a running shop on Monday, and got some amazing advice. I have been in the wrong trainers I am going to do a post about this soon, but I spent nearly two hours trying to find the right shoe. 

Do you have a snack before bed? Whats your favourite? I think mine is usually some form of cereal. 

Did you do anything nice for mothers day? 

Listening to my body

I think the comment from my Dad has limited its impact on me, and am not feeling quite so bad. I think men in general can be quite insensitive.

The weather this weekend has really been so nice, and is defiantly the perfect weather for cycling!!! On Saturday I went on a nice cycle with my boyfriend to Totnes, which was around 22 miles. We stopped off half way at a cafe, which catered both of our needs. Scones with jam and clotted cream for Andy and some wholemeal toast and jam with a soya latte for me. The toast was so thick though that I saved half and  I took it home with me and had it for my lunch later on. It actually tasted just as nice, pressed reheat on my toast and alas

random plate of roasted kabocha squash, aspargus, kale, red onion and chickpeas, with blobs of cottage cheese. 

Yesterday I went to a body pump class, I haven't been for about 4-5 months. The arm workouts nearly killed me, but I did enjoy it and am going to try and go once a week, as strength training has really been helping my cycling.However today have a bad case of DOMS. 

In view of my March Goals, I have been trying to listen to my body more which is a hard task, but feel I am sloly getting better at this. I have realised that my body still isn't strong enough to run, as I was getting the pain again in my knee. So am going to rest it for another 2 weeks, which includes no running:( I guess I can focus more on cycling and swimming. Although I still really suck at swimming. However I am really loving cycling at the moment, and love getting stronger on my bike. In April time I will be doing a 10 mile time trial with a cycling club I was member of and my goal for that is for a 20mph average, which depending on how hilly the course is I think is achievable. After I've got used to my bike for a bit will be having some tri bars fitted. 

Exercise plan this week is 4x cycle rides, 4x Swims, and two strength sessions. Today was my easy day where I swam for 1000 metres and did some walking. I've also been using the foam roller daily which has been killing me, but guess good pain. 

I've also been trying to increase my fat intake, I probably eat minimal fat. I know its a really great anti-inflammatory,  so been adding nut butter to my oats and in my cereal snack bowls: 

Oats, banoffee flavour protein powder,and almond butter

Bran flakes with yogurt, cottage cheese, and almond butter. 

I think nut butter is  defiantly my favourite fat. 

Favourite fat? 

Ever done a body pump class? 

are you good at listening to your body? 

What I've learnt

Well this week has gone fairly quickly, and am looking forward to the week ahead. I've had some good news about my new job, my reference has a gone through okay which means I can start working as a healthcare assistant, I was very worried about it because I had took a of of sickness time off before Christmas. But had a phone call to say the reference has been received and is all okay. Also I have my jabs on thursday which I am odly excited about!!

I've spoken and seen my GP and she says its okay for me to start running on the treadmill:D this makes me one very happy sarah

With my adorable cat Marie

This time I am going to build up slowly and listen to my body, you could say I've learnt to listen to my body!! Maybe the hard way, but I guess it has made me more determined to beat this illness. I am going to run on the treadmill 3 times a week, im just doing 3 mile distances at the moment and will gradually build up from their.

These are a few other things I've learnt, along with some of my eats!!

• Its sometimes nice to have food cooked for you

Boyfriend cooked me baked eggs with spinach and mushrooms and a side of sweet potato mash was so so nice and ate guilt free

• A clean bike makes a faster bike!! My bike was so filthy, and the chain was creaking all over but me and my boyfriend cleaned our bikes together and made me ride up the hills today so much better!!
• Doing weights at the gym won't turn me in to the incredible hulk but will make me stronger in my cycling and running!!

Nope I didn't turn into a big giant Gorilla!!! (me at the zoo on friday with my boyfriend)

• Swimming can be fun, I am actually starting to like swimming, and can now even put my head under haha. 
• Pancakes can be savoury as well as sweet:

Goats cheese and mushrooms in homemade buckwheat pancakes

Ever had a savoury pancake? Have you leant anything this week? 

Building Strength

Can't quite believe its the weekend, doesn't time go far too quickly?! My little break to Bath went far too quickly, and I am back to work next week boo:( At least it isn't too cold to be cycling back, would have hated going when we had the freezing temperatures and may have had to beg my boyfriend to pick me up:p

I had a fitness programme done on Thursday morning, you get one free with a gym membership and I met with someone called Lorriane who is lovely and has spoken with me before (more on that later). Anyway she firstly did my height, then wanted to weigh me!!!!! I don't even let my GP weigh me, the difference in scales triggers me and only ever weigh myself on my scales. A big fear must have been seen across my face.She asked why I didn't want to be weighed I thought for a minute then just came out with it " I have an eating disorder", I actually wasn't surprised by her reaction that she said she fully understood as she used to have one when she was 15 too, and had to have hormone replacement to have kids. I think she knew a while back I had issues as she has in the past asked if I was okay and if I was doing too much. After a while of ed chat and how I am trying to gain, seeing a dietican. She asked about my eating habits etc, said how they've got a lot better. She did say I do need to eat something before training, I usually don't tend to have a huge brekkie when I come back but she said that if I don't, doing weights and cardio will cause my body to burn its muscle and not good for a stress fracture so am going to now have a banana pre training even if I have to eat at 5 am for my early morning gym sessions. We spoke about bring in strength training to help strengthen my leg muscles, hips, and upper body which will help with my stress fracture, doing less cardio but bring the intensity up. So here is my new plan:

Warm up: 10 minutes walking on the treadmill


Resistance/ Weight Training:   

• Leg Press- 10kg 3 sets of 12
• Leg Extension- 7.5kg 3 sets of 12
• Row/ Rear Deltoid- 7.15kg 3 sets of 12
• Chest Press- 7.5kg 3 sets of 12
• Shoulder press- on fitness ball 1kg 3 sets of12

Cardio Training: 

• Windjammer 5 minutes, level 1
• Rower- 2000 metres level 5
• Upright bike- 15 minutes cascade hills level 9 
• Cross trainer- 10 minutes random level 6

Core Strength/stability Exercises

• Plank- 2 x 30 seconds
• medicine ball twists- 2 sets of 15
• Ball hands to knee- 2 sets of 15

Stretches to finish

It does feel quite good to follow a plan and feel that focusing more on building some strength will help with my cycling and running, and is also good to do weight bearing exercise to help with osteoporosis. It is only in the past few years that I have actually been able to open up about my eating disorder, I hate the mis-conceptions, the myths, the discrimination, the silence. Mental illness still is a very taboo subject and feel the more honest people are the more that people will see that its nothing to hide amongst the carpet!!,and hopefully with more understanding more can be done. 

Injury Update

I also had a sports massage done today, and their is good news with my shin splints the bruising has gone down, and my IT band is also beginning to heal. She thinks it will be okay to try running again on the roads in 2 weeks but to see how I feel whilst going to the gym and cycling. My knee pain has got so much better, it was even painful to walk on and seriously thought that I had done some damage to it worse than a stress fracture. I guess it must be in its 8th week of having the stress fracture which now means it hopefully is getting more on the mend. Today I was able to cycle for 30 miles with no pain. I am still continuing to ice and wear my knee strap and this seems to be helping in its recovery. I just need to try and really listen to my body, not do too much too soon and learn to rest! All easier said than done though. 

Are you able to be honest with people if you've struggled with a mental health problem? 

Do you do weights at the gym? 

WIAW-valentines edition

Thanks to jenn for hosting

Well I am feeling very very happy this evening, as I've just come back from an amazing two night break in the romantic city of Bath with my amazing boyfriend, and also this evening I was able to run on the treadmill!!! Those glorious 15 minutes made me feel so so good. I hope this is the last of my knee pain, I will be taking it slowly though and build up my mileage.

This will be short and sweet, but I am super proud of me eating a three course meal. I am doing things I never thought possible, and feeling more determined than ever to beat this dreaded illness.

Breakfast:

Too start a glass of champagne!! 

Strawberries and greek yogurt

 smoked salmon, rye bread, poached eggs and watercress and spinach

This breakfast was amazing, well its only valentines day once a year. 

Rocket with tomatoes, mozerrela cheese and avocado

Dinner was amazing, we dined in this divine restaurant on the royal crescent. 

Buffalo mozzerella, pine nuts, and figs. I left the dressing as am not a fan of oil based ones.

The main I forget to photograph it was amazing though baked sea bass, with my favourite veg roasted butternut squash and brocolli and red skinned potatoes. 

Campapri and grapefruit sorbet

Washed down later on with plenty of cocktails and wine!!! Man did I have a hangover this morning. 

Happy Valentines day!!! 

Did you eat anything special on valentines day?