Well been a few days since I last updated. I did mean too but meh college work and other stuff got in the way.

My poor friend on friday got took to hospital because of her asthma:( she gets it quite bad and has frequent hopsital admissions, wish they could find a cure for it. sometimes the world seems so unfair. I ahd to do some detective work though to locate her lol. I started to get worried when I hasnt heard from her friday morning and was ringing her home and her mobile, I then went on facebook to see when she last updated and even went to try and find her sister but their were too many with her same surname. So I called up the local hospital had to pretend I was her sister lol and became a bit unstuck when they asked her date of birth. anwyay found out she got admitted and was okay. I swear I have a sixth sense with these things knew when my Mum had taken a serious overdose that something wasn;t right, good job I did as I was the one that found her:( so friday night I visited my friend which was nice although of course would have been nicer to not see her in hospital. did feel fairly weird going up their as across the road was the ed unit I have frequently been admitted too. so glad I am finally no longer a revolving door patient been nearly two years.

Oh in the morning I had my ed assesment with someone from Beat, they have no therapists available until september and did offer me a body image group but its when I am in college:( would have really benefited from it too, and I don;t get to see the dietican for another month! I mean I am not majorly relapsing or anything just strugling a bit with things and want some direction again. also want to go out cycling more and right now I am scared to eat anything more than a set calorie limit even though I will be using it up cycling.

I have also done another stupid thing and again stopped taking my Anti depressants and feel quite crap at the mo. Know i shouldnt just stop taking them but I get sick of being on them and feel I am fine and when I have a good day I feel that I no longer need to be on them then I get really awful days. This weekend hasnt been particular good. didnt feel up to going out on my bike, and got lots of negative thoughts about myself and my body, my future etc

anyway college is tomorrow. I have done most of the work. will look over my psychology essay tomorrow for like the twentfth time. I am such a perfectionist and at times is really hard to deal with and I have high expectations of myself especially when it comes to psychology as I always get high grades and feel that I have to constantly get them.

Okay lets end on some positives! Friday I am going flat hunting with my parents in Bournemouth